did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
