It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
