I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
