Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
