You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
