We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
