I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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