And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
