so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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