He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
