the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
