i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
