I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
