I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
