Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Pappa wants mamma naked
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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