Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
