I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
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I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
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It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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