Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
