I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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