he wants to bone in the snuggie
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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