you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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