its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
