You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Randomize
