I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
