I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
