My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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