He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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