Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
