Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
