I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
