he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
