I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
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She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
Iβm not washing my pussy with handsoap.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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