my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
