People in love make me want to vomit
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
