I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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