I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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