I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
