I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
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You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
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I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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