my phone needs a breathalizer
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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