And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
