If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
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So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
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Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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