Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
