i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
