I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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