that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she peed on how many people?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
