Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
