Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
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