Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
