Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
