Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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