It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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