I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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