He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
