Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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