i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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