its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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