She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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