so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's blow job season.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
