I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
