one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
