If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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