I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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