Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize