Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
