Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Randomize
