I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
