She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
