found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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