If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
How does one acquire holy water?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
