Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
